Some thoughts on Hotwife lifestyle communication, and how we run things

It goes without saying that effective communication is one the most crucial skills in life. Don’t worry, this hasn’t magically transformed into a management speak blog, but more often than not when things go wrong, whether it be in work, home, love etc., the common theme is a breakdown in communications. I’m often reminded of the sage words of Homer J Simpson, albeit with a slight modification!

All relationships require open and honest communication between partners, often allowing problems to be solved before they even become serious. In our pre-hotwifing life, we were always very good at talking about how we felt, but perhaps not always so good at doing the same about our sexual feelings and fantasies. That doesn’t mean we didn’t talk about such things (we most certainly did!), but it’s certain to say we were less open about sharing on that front verbally – typically, our “naughty” chat was normally conducted over text message and in the bedroom itself.

As those of you who have listened to our Keys & Anklets podcast interview will know, this was the very medium that Chris used to broach the subject of inviting a third party into our sex life; don’t knock text messaging, it’s often easier than talking when one is trying to broach a difficult subject. If you haven’t listened to the interview with the incredible Michael C, please do! The very moment Chris opened up this fantasy life is shown below, at 12:46 on 3rd July 2019:

Certainly in the early stages of our hotwifing journey, we would say that more than 90% of our communication and planning on this front was conducted via text messaging alone, and whilst we are now very much more open in chatting about it, we still massively enjoy the text based conversations we have on the subject, and in fact feel that it embellishes the experience for us.

As we, like many (almost all?!) hotwife couples out there, lead a somewhat double life, we tend to split our chatting between iMessage and WhatsApp – iMessage is predominantly reserved for our normal husband and wife chats, whereas WhatsApp is almost exclusively reserved for our second life. If a WhatsApp notification appears on either of our phones from the other person, then we immediately know it’s going to be something naughty, and it’s a thrill each and every single time.

As followers of our Twitter feed will know, we happily share various exciting excerpts of chats there, be they from everyday chat, date build up, or messages that Hannah sends from her dates; in fact, this post was catalysed by a rather lovely conversation we had this morning about Hannah’s overnight date with her boyfriend tonight, shown below:

Now that we are around 16 or so months into the lifestyle, whilst each and every encounter we have together or Hannah has alone is of course electrifyingly exciting, it’s true to say that it’s our “normal” now – that’s not detracting from it in any way, shape or form, but it’s just a thing that we do, and adore. Many people comment and ask if Chris hangs onto the phone waiting for updates on a date night; whilst this is true to a degree, it’s certainly not how it was in the initial stages of our journey. Yes, it’s true to say that the WhatsApp ping is eagerly anticipated, but it’s certainly not a case of constant refreshing and checking.

Sometimes something completely mindblowing pops up, such as the messages below:

Another element is that Chris sometimes chats with Hannah’s boyfriend in parallel, all three of us are completely open and adore the dynamic that we have:

Another crucial aspect of our text communications that goes without saying is of course Hannah’s safety and wellbeing – now that she has a steady boyfriend, she is certainly safe and cared for, but in earlier encounters it was always necessary to send a message indicating that she had arrived safely, all was good and above all that she was happy – this still continues to this day on dates with her boyfriend. Naturally we have other security measures in place, but these are of course not for open discussion.

There’s not really a great message to this post, and we can hardly preach and call ourselves the sages of hotwifing, but if there’s one single piece of advice that we can offer it would be as follows: if you’re thinking about suggesting this kind of lifestyle to your partner, it’s always unbelievably hard to take that step into the unknown (we chat a lot about this in our K&A interview), please don’t overlook the potential to do this via text message as we did, it certainly worked well for us. Not that one wants to suggest such a thing for it to be blown back in your face with a hard “no”, but the text approach does offer an easier route/insurance for stepping back if necessary and writing it off as a simple fantasy rather than a direct suggestion – this is undeniably easier over text than in a face to face discussion in our eyes.

Chris & Hannah XX